I Feel

Bottling up the unpredictable emotions inside

Is a safe escape my mind naively believes.

To be high on feelings, turbulent and reckless

Ride up and go upside down, then free falling

Ah the adrenaline rush, seeing the stars,

Addictive, attractive and intoxicating!

Pain - so beautiful yet how it hurts;

Happiness - swells up yet it hurts;

Tears and smiles, sweet  and bitter

Make this emptiness enjoyable.

Loneliness somehow turns into solitude as

Dreams, memories get mixed up and assail.

Like a pendulum playful heart swings

From one end of the spectrum to the other

Without logic or reason just to be a bother.

Like fireworks in the dark endless sky

These feelings dazzle, leave me awestruck

And then vanish leaving behind no sign.

Ah the flightiness of emotion!

Sees, conquers and abandons!

Fickle, inexplicable and ephemeral

Yet true, raw, magnificent and real.

Breathtaking and frightening,

This mirage of feeling truly is.

Even then like a charming lover,

It lures me, takes my hand and

Fearlessly we ride the wind to the horizon

Fly up amidst the cloud and within the storms.

And then I find myself inevitably, unsurprisingly

Tethering at the very edge, heart racing

Just a step and I fall, free falling into unknown

Is it mere nothingness, emptiness, darkness?

Is it just a sea of losses, heartbreaks and regrets

That i fall into?

Then why do I hear my carefree laughter,

Tears mingled with smiles, sweet pain ?

Confusing my mind and heart even more?

Its scary not to know if I am still sane.

Even then its weird how I know surely

That I would rather feel and hurt,

That I would rather jump and fall,

That I would rather smile and cry,

Rather break my heart than not try,

So I will unbottle my emotions and let them be

Unruly and unpredictable,

And will live this life before death greets me.